My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Two words: blizzard sex
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Randomize
