Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
