Your tits are I can't wait for
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
