I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I am midnight drunk by noon
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Randomize
