I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Randomize
