like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
