meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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