I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
