So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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