who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
