my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
