I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
