Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Randomize
