when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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