I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
