I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
