If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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