I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
