filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
