did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
