i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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