last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Randomize
