Porn is love you can see.
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
