I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Randomize
