Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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