just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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