If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
The feeling are messing with the penis
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
