Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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