he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
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