peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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