so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
He shit in the fireplace
Randomize
