RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
