dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
