Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
