You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Well I just put wine in my tea
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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