you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
