Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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