there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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