apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
