I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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