All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night�
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
