Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
