ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
The adults are the big ones right?
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
