Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
