U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
