I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Randomize
