the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
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