he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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