i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
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