Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Randomize
