He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
